Travel Guide: Puerto Rico & Wedding Recap….

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I’ve been to a lot of beautiful places like Punta Cana, Cancun, Playa del Carmen, St. Marteen, St. Kitts, and all over the Florida Keys. I’ve seen countless sunsets and played in the sand of many beaches, but nothing was as beautiful as Isabel, Puerto Rico. My mom got married this past weekend there and the photos don’t even do it justice.  

The happiness and care free vibes of the locals were contagious, and it was a blissful time. We stayed at Villa Montaña Beach Resort and had an amazing trip. Instead of staying in a single house or at a hotel/condo style, we had our own individual villas. We were all next to one another, but still had our space to recoup and relax.

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Trip Advisor Review of VMBR

We were only there for a weekend and my 22nd, but we spent the two days laying out by the water, swimming in the pools, walking the beach, and devouring delicious food at the restaurant, The Eclipse. It had the cutest boho vibe, and amazing service. They even hooked us up with a bonfire to end my 22nd with s’mores.

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Now to get to the good stuff….

THE WEDDING!

All I have to say, with the ease of the wedding and the guidance of Ashley Wright for putting on the most beautiful ceremony at sunset, a destination wedding is the way to go. So I’ve put together a few of my favorite photos from the day because a picture says a thousand words and I love all the love in these shots….

 

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From drinking Carlos’s coconut water to splashing in the water at the end, everything was perfect. We are all over the moon happy for Mom and Mark!

#destinationwedding #weddinginspiration

 

 

A Wedding Unfolds in Puerto Rico

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There is love in the air— flowing all around us, captivating our long weekend with appreciation and joy. The beauty of Puerto Rico, especially at where we are staying (blog post to come) illuminates the kindness and admiration in the hearts of my mom and soon to be husband. With wedding festivities on the cusp of the day, we are reminded that love is gentle and it’s kind, but you can’t deny it’s also trying and moving. It pushes you to be a better you, and along the way the true depth of love shines above all else and moves mountains to be.

And that’s the thing about love, it’s about just being. 

Being you.

Being enough.

Being loved for all that you are. 

I talk about this all the time— there are billions of people in this world and somehow these two souls found each other to adore, to build a forever with, and to love unconditionally. They found the one their soul needed and wanted, even if they were unaware of it at the time. Flaws and all, there is love to be shared. After five years, it was inevitable that they were hooked on one another for the long haul. The way Mark looks at my mom is as though she was the one who put the stars in the sky and could walk on water. He looks at her the way Nicholas Sparks writes in his romance novels, the way we all dream of being loved.

My mom and Mark taught me the importance of valuing myself and trusting that someone, someday will love my entire essence as they love one another, but my worth is not defined by someone else’s ability or inability to see all I have to offer the world.

You can’t settle in this life, there are billions of people awaiting your presence. It’s okay to love big because one day, it won’t go to the waste side. 

Love is at the center of all my interactions and my friends and family cant attest to how often I tell them ‘I love you SO much’. It’s a powerful lesson to love unconditionally without expectations or demands or reservations— let it flow openly and be enough to keep you afloat. 

As I sit here on my villa’s porch and write while watching the waves crash, I reminisce on my mom’s love story. I’ve watched hers and Mark’s love blossom over the years, an undeniable pull to one another, one that couldn’t be avoided if they tried. They are a force to be reckoned with, spit fires with adventurous souls. They bring out the best in one another, even if mom can’t navigate. It’s about having fun and enjoying this life together, and that’s what they are doing. 

This life is precious and short, and watching my mom and my soon to be stepdad love one another through trials and twists and turns, I’ve learned that you shouldn’t waste another minute with space between you and the one you love.

If you love someone, be vulnerable, give your love freely and accept them for who they are and who they will be. Nothing stays the same— this world is not stagnant, so grow together and make the conscious decision to be present and love into the depth of your core. 

So thank you Mom and Mark for showing me what a beautiful love looks like and I cheers to you a lifetime of happiness and loving adventures. 

With Love: The Reflection You Asked For

With Love: The Reflection You Asked For

I am human.

I am flawed, imperfect, and ultimately vulnerable.

The other day, you commented on my blog hurtful and mean accusations and considerations about your perception of me. You labeled me a bad person, but you did so anonymously without a way to answer back thoughtfully. 

So here is my response:

When I post on social media and connect through social channels, I choose bits and pieces to highlight, but my blog is something I hold near and dear to my heart. I pour my spirit into my words. I am aware that I have hurt people in the past and I have been hurt in return, but the reality is, love and appreciation for life are at the center of my decisions. I value myself, I value my soul and practice self-love. This life is very short filled with uncertainty and it’s fair share of goodbyes and quite frankly, there is no room for hatred in my life and I do not owe anyone an explanation for what I deem right. 

My heart radiates with love and because of that, I have such beautiful connections in my life. I have friends and family who know my essence, my heart, my love and they understand me in ways you did not. I apologize that not everyone can see the true me, that sometimes the surface is all you get, but I get to choose and that does not make me a bad person. It’s all about your perception.   

I am allowed to make decisions that value my wishes and needs and I do have considerations for others, but I refuse to tear off pieces of myself to appease anyone else.

It’s not that I voice my actions or feelings to justify my doings. I do so to let others know they are not alone— sometimes we need to cut toxic people out, sometimes we need to escape, sometimes we need to be alone, sometimes words are not needed and that’s OKAY.

I have always struggled with goodbyes and sometimes I feel as though saying nothing at all is easier— that doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m flawed, but conscious of my desire to change to be more transparent. 

You have absolutely no idea what is going on in someone else’s head. You have no idea the internal struggles someone has, and I’m sure you are fighting your own demons, gracefully I hope. I don’t write for self-justification– I write to feel, share, connect, understand, learn, grow. I am a work in progress, who is learning and evolving from experiences and new connections. This is a life blog! I am living and LEARNING. I take responsibility for the lessons I’ve learned the hard way  as I do not consider them mistakes. I am exactly where I’m meant to be. Some things aren’t that deep and others are, and sometimes people aren’t on the same page. 

If I’ve hurt you, tell me. If I’ve offended you, tell me. If I’ve left you wondering, tell me. I am not a mind reader, and have a million and ten things on my plate and on my mind that sometimes things slip through the cracks. I am sorry that our connect may have slipped through the cracks. 

So here’s what I suggest— 

  • if you have a problem with someone or don’t like/agree with what they are saying, unfriend, block, delete them. It’s okay to move on. 
  • if you have a problem with someone or don’t like/agree with what they are saying, message them…… VOICE your concerns, voice your perception. Be human— nobody’s perfect. 

We were created to communicate, to connect, but that’s impossible when it’s through an anonymous outlet. My messages are always open. 

With love, 

Ash 

BAHAMAS TRAVEL ADVENTURE

 

 

We traveled to the Hyatt Grand Baha Mar in Nassau, Bahamas  for the weekend and had an amazing time. My mom and I played in a slots tournament on Friday night and Saturday during the day (yes, that’s a thing, and no it’s not easy and we did not win). I would come back here again without a doubt, and I haven’t been to Atlantis, but my mom and stepdad raved about Baha Mar over Atlantis. If you ever do go to the Bahamas, you have to go to Carmine’s for dinner– best Italian food ever and it’s fun because it’s family style!

 

Enjoy my first ever travel vlog and let me know what you think in the comments or on my Instagram 🙂

 

 

When You Begin to Understand Your Worth

When You Begin to Understand Your Worth

 

The days became shorter, as the moments fluttered with urgency and I no longer got lost in the wonderment of dissatisfaction.

I walk through each door as if I own the room and I belong, but I had spent so many years putting my head down and weaving in and out of crowds I couldn’t face, filled with jealousy that they had a place and I was an outsider. Now, years later, I know the truth— I belong in each moment, each pathway because I choose to, not because anyone makes me feel welcomed.

This world, this life is a mindset, you can have the victim mentality or you can be the hero of your own story, you’ll never be completely free until you can look yourself in the mirror and know you’re worthy and lovable. I would look at my reflection outside and behind closed doors and worry, question, and fear that I was not good enough, that I am not worthy of blessings, that I am lacking when others are more put together, little did I know, everyone is a basket case, but not a single soul is a lost cause. I am not a lost cause. Some say people never change, that who they are is engrained on the walls of their body, but I believe the patterns morph and transform into who that person is meant to be— I’m morphing into who I am meant to be.

If we stayed the same, if nothing ever changed in our hearts, our world would be stagnant.

Our first love would be our only love and our hatreds would last a lifetime, and we know that’s not our reality, we fall in and out of love like it’s going out of style and I can’t keep a grudge for the life of me, but that’s because I realize that life is precious, moments should be valued and that genuine love should be at the root of every interaction.

Things are learned, patience is accrued and time is something you can never get back. One word: special, rings in the back of my head— it screams as I look for a once in a lifetime love, a one in billion personality, a heart of gold. I don’t even waste my time on the questionable when my feelings are on the edge, ready to flee and jump into the unknown to avoid to the mediocrity that surrounds me.

I can feel it draining my contagious energy when it’s not full, and I run. I don’t run because I am scared of commitment or love, I run because I am scared of settling and lack there of. Waking up one morning consumed with “what if’s” and “whys” is my greatest fear and I use it as fuel to be better, to love greater, and require more because I refuse to be “content” or have just enough when it comes to my life and future.

With a world as wide and full, I know there is room for me to achieve greatness and sculpt the map of my heart to endure hardships and remain resilient, optimistic.

Along the way, I’ve been given a purpose and know myself well enough to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, to not fitting in, to standing out. So, I take each moment and spin it at my will, knowing these days are good, but it’s only going to get better, it’s only going up from here, my heart promises so.

The Experience That Taught Me What Love Is

The Experience That Taught Me What Love Is

I once loved someone so much that I was blinded by my own fascination and couldn’t see that his heart didn’t yearn for me, his hands didn’t reach for me, his mind was fixated elsewhere. I once loved someone so much that I was unable to face the reality that he just wasn’t into me, no matter what I was going to say or do, he wasn’t going to fall in love with me, he wasn’t going to wake up one morning and see that I am everything he could ever need.

I was vulnerable in my endeavor to dig digger, to give him the benefit of the doubt, but then the texts got shorter, our nights together became infrequent and I knew that, I had turned the corner from being caring and compassionate, to being pathetic.

I had to look myself in the mirror, and face the music that what I had been doing for a year was wrong. I was wrong— my gut didn’t lead me in the right direction this time….. or did it? I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and exactly the way it’s meant to, so as I experienced myself pining for someone to give me a chance, to look at me for me, I realized that’s not love, it never could be.

I was naive and became set on someone I couldn’t have— not because I wasn’t good enough for him, but because he wasn’t good enough for me and it only took me 365 days to figure that one out. I never wanted to feel like that again, and that’s why I had to endure breaking my own heart.

As I laid in my room, crying onto the letters I had poured my heart into, I learned I had loved the fairytale I had created with a mediocre guy, who could never truly be my prince charming. I created a love story and allowed my heart to pick someone who would only leave me wanting at the end of the day. Maybe, all of this, wasn’t love at all. My false perception of love that time round has taught me what love is, and what love is not.

Love is patient, kind, and forgiving— it’s full, promising, and warm; it makes your body weak and strong in the same instant, as if you can conquer the world, but you don’t want to do it alone. Love is freeing, with the birds you fly, open and observant, without fear of falling. You are free and secure in love, and isn’t that all we could ever want? I once thought I loved someone so much that I sacrificed the truth in order to be in his presence, and oh never again will I turn a blind eye to what my heart deserves.

No Thank You, I’ll Buy My Own Drink

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Another night out with my girlfriends and I find myself analyzing every social interaction, despite how impaired I may be do to a few too many Rum Runners. The music blares and our laughter radiates throughout the bar, our current scene— I am having the time of my life, dancing away in the blur the flashing lights. New faces and old ones surround me, and some are getting closer than others, wanting to know my name they’ll forget by morning and where I’m from, so they may have a slim chance to make a hometown connection.

Maybe it could be chalked up to liquid courage, but they so freely touch my waist or push my hair behind my ear, as if I am a doll to be played with.

Some are hitting it off, some are barely conscious, and then there is me, and I’m sure many of you— overwhelmed. I love meeting new people, and sparking new conversations and listening to their stories, making new connections with faces I may never see again. The moments are fleeting, but freeing.

Then all a sudden, as the night goes on, I am hitting it off with someone, who then starts moving in too close, getting way too comfortable tracing over my curves, wanting to buy me drinks, wanting to bound me up in obligation.

As I know the ins and outs of going to bars, clubs, interesting scenes, there is no such thing as a free drink(s); there is always something tied to it— it may be simple like entertaining their company long after it becomes appealing, but some like to think that buying you drinks entails them to a right of passage.

So with that in mind, I say, “no thank you, I’ve got it” because I can’t accept a nice gesture without feeling as though they think I owe them, and it saddens me that too many women know this to be true all too well.

I know not all men think like this, I know there are exceptions, I know there are some genuine guys just doing something nice.

Yet, I want to reiterate to women everywhere—

You don’t owe anyone anything.

You are not obligated to anyone or anything.

You can go out and have fun with your friends without getting yourself into a question situation, out of fear of obligation.

So for the meantime, until this entitlement phase passes, I’ll be saying, “No thank you, I can buy my own drinks” and end up cuddled up with my girlfriends after a fun-filled night out.

Enjoy your time, and be safe ladies.