How Rewiring My Commitments Helped Me Overcome Insecurities
What I’ve learned over the years is that there’s no one else quite like you or me or anyone you’ve ever met. None of us are perfect by any means, and we all have our quirks.
Sometimes, we talk too loudly or don’t say the right thing in the moment; other times, we fall short or get our feelings a little hurt or act out when things feel overwhelming. Sometimes, we don’t have the answers to the question and sometimes, we can’t even figure out what that question is.
Although those things that you try to hide or hinder away under the surface may make you feel like you’re too much or not enough, I’m here to say that embracing them will set you free.
Embracing the quirks and insecurities, and working through the parts that hinder your personal development, like self deprecating humor or a dwelling self-esteem or an overinflated ego, will help you grow into your true essence.
Over the years, I’ve had to rewire my commitments to myself by understanding my belief system and finding and standing in my convictions. When I started to look at my Being as a gift, created from something much greater than I, I saw the beauty in the everyday, every interaction, every opportunity, every adventure.
I built my belief system around that — love and admiration.
When I carried on with a grateful heart and an open spirit, I saw deeper connections transpire and build. Then, new doors began to open. I didn’t have to beat them down anymore. When I chased things that weren’t in alignment with being transparent with myself and others, lacked faithful to my plans and endeavors, or belittled the boundaries that were essential to my growth, it never worked out. Not once. When I reflect on my decision making strategies throughout high school and most of college – they were abrupt, feeling driven conclusions that left me feeling used, worthless, and disposable.
I chased things to fill a void I had from lack of healing and people who couldn’t see the magic in me, and let me tell you, I wish someone would have pulled me aside, looked me in the eye, and told me this: you are never going to find solace anywhere besides your inner being, without peace and esteem in who you are and what you are and all the shades in between, you’re going to be searching for an escape in everything you do, when the goal of life isn’t to escape it, it’s to build and better every aspect of it, everyday.
You are so capable and worthy, and no one needs to give you permission to be, you can give that to yourself.
There’s a whole universe in you and around you, and how can you make decisions to dishonor the precious being that you are? How can you take up space in your world with people and things who can’t see the pureness or the singularity of you? Time is your most scarce resource, and your feelings are not facts. You should not dwell in another moment questioning if you’re good enough or if you’ll ever measure up.
Remember, you are everything — the sun, the moon, and all the stars in between. You are magic, and your connections are magic. You being here matters. It always matters, don’t let anyone tell you different.
Once you take the time to heal and actual heal the wounds that lay deep under the surface, there’s a freeness about your being. I am currently living it. No one can give it to you; it’s something you have to mend and understand, and getting your mind on board is no easy task. But it’s one worth while. I now communicate when I’m struggling. I let people help me when I need a hand, and let in love instead of running from it. And boy, I am happy to be so aware of how special this life is, how special these moments are, and how special that this growth has transformed my heart. I hope everyone is chasing a life that makes them feel like they can move mountains and change the world, but they don’t want to do it alone.
“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.”